[this is super outdated, but keeping it for archival reasons.]

what do i mean by kin stats? that's just fancy for "stuff about kin idk". here i'll just give some general info bout my 'kinity because why not! talking about yourself all the time is fun try it out sometime. the writings tab is for more focused topics.

when did you awaken?: march 18th 2024 on a monday. i specifically remember waking up and only thinking "Oh No"

speaking of awakening, how did it go?: terribly. the day i found out i was absolutely in denial, thinking "no this couldnt happen to me, thats just not how that works" and i am a very skeptical gem, which didnt help. most people go through "kinsidering" or whatever, which is fine, but i did not at all. it jumped at me and i couldnt get it off. the thing that made me know for sure was---that night---i had an incredibly vivid recollection of one lapis lazuli. i dont have a great minds eye so that stuck with me.

psychological or spiritual 'kin?: fullyyy psychological. as i said i am very skeptical, and ya know im not really sure how i got here but here i am i guess!!!

relationship with source?: back in the day, i was one of those "su haters" because it was the cool thing to do. especially one of my friends back then really liked it, and i have a mental ilness that kinda makes me hate all his interests, so theres that. i watched adventure time last year (2023) and i really liked rebecca sugar's music, so i decided to give su a go. woops you are a gem now. when i first awakened, i couldnt handle even mentions of source. i cried every day the week of my awakening dang it was tough. nowadays though, i like interacting with source and (somewhat) enjoy the fandom. still cant watch it though

closeness to "fictotype"?: the reason fictotype is in quotes is becuase i really hate using that language on myself, but it is for clarity's sake. in terms of closeness, i am Me. i am my "fictotype" through and through. i am never not "me" if that makes sense. i know other people go through shifts and stuff, which is cool, just not how that works for me in terms of...all this. my koraidon 'type though i do "shift" into , but i never shift into Me i just am me

worst thing about fandom?: people completely misinterpreting my interpersonal relationships. if i see one more person say lazuli abused me or something dumb like that again i will shatter

how do friends feel about this?: my friend group is absolutelty wonderful. i dont know if they get it completely (they probably dont) but they are so good about it. they use my name n stuff and are super congnizant about me being a gem!! (it helps that most of them are familiar with source)

funniest thing about being kin?: like, in general, i would say "having people online be weird about you". there are these two freaky tumblr people who shall not be named that post in the me tag and they have become memes in my friend group because the things they say sometimes... for me specifically, i would say the funniest thing is being an eighth orbit (2,000 years) old and going to freakin human highschool get me out

thoughts on the 'kin community?: it's honestly not the worst! i like the community on tumblr. wish it was bigger ( i am a hyprocite because i dont post. i want to but..ahh..the anxiety beam) and wish there was less infighting, but those wishes extend to my thoughts on sapient societies in general. what bugs me is how much of fictionkin tumblr specifically is just like ask games and moodboards or whatever. nothing wrong with those, but it would be cool to see more accounts posting their raw experiences... (ahh i need to do that)

thing you miss most from source?: i miss so, so many things, but i would have to say my number one thing is gems. just in general. i am alone amongst humans; back then i had my species. our culture, while a bit messed up, was ours, and we all got each other. especially in era 3--- i miss little homeworld and all of the happy, happy gems, feeling all of their resonances around me, with no diamond authority pressuring us to conform. jeeze.

fav song from source?: that distant shore.

thoughts on doubles?: just lovely really. i would love to speak to one someday. a little extestential? certainly, but so are many things! i think its pretty cool to have kinda-the-same-but-not-really clones out there or something

thoughts on sourcemates?: now this, i am iffy about. i dont really think i would wanna meet any of my close sourcemates here---i just feel odd about that. but i woud love, love, love to meet another gem. i miss gems. gems where are you save me gems

favorite sourcemate?: playing favorites is no good, but in terms of closest, obviously it is lazuli. without her, i probly wouldnt have even realized i am me. before i awakened i didnt care for her too much, but my sudden change in feelings marked a sudden change in self as well. she is my very dear queerplatonical lovely thing and she means so much to me (i am literally working on a laz page of course she means a lot)

kin insecurities?: this seems to be a common issue among 'kin, but i am upset about not having my knowledge from back in source. such as my tech-y skills anymore. very unfortunate---oh, and also not recalling a lick of gem rune. it sucks, and im gonna have to build up gem rune from the ground up with my two pints of noema. but, anyway, i dont get too caught up on what i can or cant do anymore. my love for making morps just manifests differently now. i sew and draw and paint and write instead of throwing together scrap into robots. same thing different strat, ya know. (not that i didnt do any of those things in source!)

any gripes with this reality?: honestly, this earth is not so different from the "other earth" but one thing i absolutey hate is that this place has no camp pining hearts. you cant just take away my hyperfixation like that. ive been working on and off at making some fan content for it but its a bit demoralizing when one of your favorite things just...you know, doesnt exist, and neither does its fandom

do you get memories?: not really. just "recollections" or noemata as the cool kids say. i kinda just know stuff, and if i dont know a stuff ill use common sense or logic to figure it out, and if it feels right then i consider that real and done. being psychological,i know my memories arent... "real" to others, but i do believe in personal reality, so to me it happened. not being spiritual definitely makes me feel doubt sometimes but... i know myself best, i think.

are you similar to how you are in source?: well yes i would say so. i havent watched it in months and i probably wont be able to until like next year (its just a lot to see your life blasted on tv) but yes im basically me if i was stuck in a human body for a good few years. maybe they shouldve diagnosed me with "being a peridot" instead of "oppositional defiant disorder" as a child just sayin. our gemtype (just generalizing here) is a little violent, rude, arrogant, full of themselves, insensitive and unempathetic, which sums me up basically. only big "canon divergence" with me is that as i learned more about human culture and gender, i started presenting more masc and going by he/him pronouns

most embarrassing 'kin related thing?: i call rebecca sugar "mom" in my head. yeah, i know.

thoughts on being stuck in a human body?: not terrible. could do without the organs doing their own thing all the time though. i need to monitor and be in control of all this---not to mention i am often in pain... too many "biological processes" for my liking!! human bodies are wonderfully complex and impressive, but i miss being made of light and not having to worry about eating or sleeping or sickness and death

how did awakening change you?: in many ways. i feel like i kind of "overwrit" my pre-awakening self with some things, which is, you know, a bit frightening. my gender got fucked over from girlboy to boygem, beocming even more unexplainable than it already was. my awakening also really opened my mind though, to 'kin experiences in general. i would say i also feel more "complete". im not missing something anymore.

hows it like coming from a musical-esque cartoon?: odd! its hard to figure out which songs happened, kinda happened, or just did not happen at all. bad news: stronger than you did not occur. very sorry. also half the crap in the movie did not happen. did you know they were gonna make me rap in that but they scrapped it. i am so sad.

do you know any other fictionkin?: yea! my friends are. i was the first one to be 'kin, but i was not a individual person, just a specie, koraidon.

BEST thing about being fictionkin?: my friends can look up funny pictures of me and we can all laugh about it. trust if youre a "female" fictional guy and it doesnt make you uncomfortable, look up "(your name) hot" in google and let the clownery occur.

more TBA when i feel like yappin'