*Euphoria is in quotation marks because I am not sure if the emotions I experience in this matter are so intense as to warrant that word, but I'm not sure how else to describe it.
Some, but not all, fictionkind may feel dysphoric or uncomfortable when their current personality and self does not match up with their source-self. For me, I personally view myself as very similar to "source-me" already, so this isn't commonly an issue. When I exhibit or am percieved to have similar traits to "source-me", I get happy, but there is an issue with this when it comes to me.
It doesn't matter to my subconscious mind if the trait is positive or negative. Before my awakening, I was already a person that struggled with empathy and had a big ego. After my awakening, I feel as if I have been even more apathetic and egotistical than usual, because that negative trait aligns with how I am/was in source. Along with my tendency to say hurtful things, these negative traits have been somewhat romanticized and exacerbated in my head.
This is paradoxical. "Source-me" would still want to improve upon these negative facets, obviously, so it makes no sense that I would like them now. I don't like them though, on the conscious level at least. I don't have a very good conclusion when it comes to this; I mostly want to put my experience out there and hopefully, if anyone is also struggling with this, they will feel seen. Over time I hope my flesh brain will stop latching onto those negative traits as important facets of my fictionkinity.
Having similar traits is so important to me, specifically, because of the nature of my fictionkinity. Many fictionkin feel as if they have had a past life, or a parallel life, or some other seperation from their fictotypes. This is no issue, of course. However, for me, I feel more like I (my ""fictotype"") was not in this body previously, then sort of seeped in/imprinted over a few month's period. I feel like I was ripped from my source and then put here, suddenly. Therefore, I shouldn't be incredibly different--- yes, my brain and body are different and have lived a whole different life up to this point, but I'm still me (my ""fictotype""). Just with a different perspective. Again, it's not a huge deal for me, because my personality aligns well with my perceived notions of who I recently was--- but again, I don't want to be so concerned about the past.
As previously shown, I dislike using seperating language when it comes to my fictionkinity. I am not a "fictotype" or whatever, I am just me, if that makes sense... When I, or others, use words like that on me, it feels like my current brain + body and my "source-self" are being seperated from one another, when they are really the same thing right now. I would never say, "Hi, I am fictionkin of Peridot" or "Hi, Peridot is my fictotype" EVER. Just typing those hypotheticals hurt me. This is somewhat esoteric and I have never seen any other fictionfolk talk about an experience like this.
Oddly, this does not apply for my Koraidon/Winged King fictotype. Perhaps because it is a species rather than "a guy", but really, I do not know. The origin of that 'kintype is a bit lost on me too, and I suspect it was a little mix of voluntary and involuntary. I remember I badly wanted to be otherkin, and being nonhuman felt right, but I did not specifically choose to be a great scaled lizard. If I had a choice, I would not pick a legendary Pokemon... it's just a bit corny. But it's me. I feel no shame about that.
Being fiction is not easy, but I will always persist.